Thursday, November 30, 2006

Worry Wart

Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, Sammie began expressing his worries about the MBA applications he is sending in this week.

"What if I'm the first candidate in the history of PSU who applies before Dec. 1 and doesn't get the guaranteed interview?"

Sleepily, I responded, "You scored high on the GMAT, have a lot of work experience, a great personality, etc. etc. Stop worrying! You're an excellent candidate."

He countered, "What if the admissions committee is in a bad mood the day they review my application and say, 'No way! We don't want this jerk at our school!'?"

Reassuring didn't work, so I tried the teasing tactic: "Honestly Sammie, you're worse than a pregnant woman! Stop obsessing over completely irrational worries!"

I thought that had calmed him down until he said, "I think my thighs are too big."

Never a dull moment...

Friday, November 17, 2006

Melba told me that whenever I'm having trouble thinking about what to write, I should just write. That will get the creative juices flowing and maybe spark some new ideas. I'm having trouble with the last essay I need to write for my MBA applications. So I just wrote. I don't really think I can do anything more with it than post it here, so here is the question followed by my repsonse. I admit that the ending sucks, but why should I bother to write an ending for this? I think I need to start over. Comments are welcomed.

Because the Marriott School MBA program receives substantial financial support from the tithes of the LDS Church, the faculty and administration are committed to advancing the mission of the Church as they operate a nationally recognized MBA program. Thus, the goals of the MBA program include the melding of spiritual and secular truths in your studies, as well as sharing the benefits of your education with people throughout the world. Please describe ways that the program might realize these goals and what role you might play in those efforts.

“I didn’t come here to listen to your excuses. I came here for the master tapes,” my friend, Blue, informed the dishonest producer I once worked for. Dressed in his full biker gear, Blue, a former Marine nicknamed after his Harley-Davidson, was retrieving my master recordings immediately after drinking the 12-pack of Miller Genuine Draft I gave him for the job. After hearing the same excuses I had heard for months about why I had no right to these recordings, Blue spat on the ground and lit up a cigarette, “Look, buddy,” Blue continued, “we can do this the easy way or the hard way. It’s your choice – but I’d like to do it the hard way. It’s right up my alley.”

This producer clearly did not attend the BYU MBA program. His complete lack of morals and decency are a disgrace to his name, family and existence. Upon hearing Blues ultimatum, he chose the easy way and I got my master recordings back. But what a professional, personal, and moral embarrassment it was for me to have to go to such lengths. A hand-shake agreement will make me keep my word more so than any punch to the face could. However, not everyone in today’s money-hungry society sees things the same way.

Despite my past, present and future behavior, I can assure the BYU Admissions committee that I am in fact a good member of the Church even if I don’t act like one. During my last interview as a missionary, my mission president gave me some sound advice, “Elder Markham,” he said, “when you get home, make sure you marry a woman who can drag your sorry butt to the Celestial Kingdom.” Nine years later, I did. You can learn a lot about a man by the company he keeps. My wife is a total angel (most of the time) so how could I be bad?

I’ve gone to church all my life so I know spiritual truth like the back of my hand – but I’ve also played in clubs all over Southern California learning secular truth from people living it first hand. Can I balance the two? Let’s just say nothing can strengthen one’s testimony of the Word of Wisdom like protecting one’s amplifier from the regurgitation of an inebriated woman.

And as far as sharing the benefits of the BYU MBA education around the world, do you want some boring white boy with bike tire flab around his belly and a bald spot on his head doing it or do you want a former rock-star who once played with a former drummer of the P-Funk? The answer should be clear.

Blue taught me how to deal with losers. The BYU MBA Program will teach me how to deal with winners.