Keep Buying Gas From Exxon

Melba got the below email a while ago. If you've already read it, which you probably have, just skip over it. I changed the color so you'll know what is email and what is me.

GAS WAR - an idea that WILL work This was originally sent by a retired Coca Cola executive. It came from one of his engineer buddies who retired from Halliburton. It ' s worth your consideration.Join the resistance!!!! I hear we are going to hit close to $4.00 a gallon by next summer and it might go higher!! Want gasoline prices to come down? We need to take some intelligent, united action. Phillip Hollsworth offered this good idea. This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the "don't buy gas on a certain day" campaign that was going around last April or May! The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing to buy gas. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them. BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can really work. Please read on and join wi th us! By now you're probably thinking gasolinepriced at about $1.50 is super cheap. Me too! It is currently $2.79 for regular unleaded in my town. Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a gallon of gas is CHEAP at $1.50 - $1.75, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the marketplace..... not sellers. With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action. The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas! And, we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas. But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war. Here's the idea:For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the two biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL. If they are not selling anygas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit. But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of Exxon and Mobil gas buyers. It's really simple to do! Now, don't wimp out at this point.... keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people. I am sending this note to 30 people. If each of us sends it to at least ten more (30 x 10 =3D 300) ... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 =3D 3,000)...and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth group of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers. If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further, you guessed it..... THREE >>>>HUNDRED MILLION >>>>PEOPLE!!!Again, all you have to do is send this to 10 people. That's all. (If you don't understand how we can reach 300 million and all you have to do is send this to 10 people.... Well, let's face it, you just aren't a mathematician. But I am, so trust me on this one.) How long would all that take? If each of us sends this e-mail out to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!!I'll bet you didn't think you and I had that much potential, did you?Acting together we can make a difference. If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on. I suggest that we not buy from EXXON/MOBIL UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE $1.30 RANGE AND KEEP THEM DOWN.

If the fact that this is an email forward does not immediately make you realize it is false, well, listen up... Whatever you do, don't forward stuff like this to others. You just might end up accidentally forwarding it to someone who knows what they are talking about who then sends everyone a witty 'Reply To All' like this (which I wrote and had Melba send out as a Reply To All).

It’s funny to me how the laws of supply and demand hold true in situations like this, yet they seem to frequently be either disregarded or misunderstood. Here’s a quick refresher of Econ 101. The price of a product is always directly correlated with the level of demand – as demand goes up or down, so will the price. Price is also inversely correlated with supply – as supply goes up, price will go down and vice versa.

This email suggests that price will be reduced by reducing demand to one provider of a given product, ExxonMobil. (There is an insinuation that ExxonMobil currently posses a large market share by saying, “they are the two biggest gasoline companies,” however, combined they only have about 15% of the market.) The email also states, “If they [ExxonMobil] reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit.” This is the claim’s major fallacy. Price is only reduced when there is a reduction in the overall demand – the action taken by followers of the email will only create a shift in demand.

US refineries currently produce nearly all of the gasoline consumed in the US with the remainder imported. This ensures that the refineries will always maintain profitability by not overproducing. If the demand for gas shifts away from ExxonMobil to other providers, those providers will not only be forced to raise their prices (increase in demand yields a raise in price), but they will also need to buy gasoline from ExxonMobil so their supply can meet their demand. This latter action will keep ExxonMobil running at its regular demand and therefore not have the need to drop their gas prices as predicted by the email. The largest potential effect (which isn’t actually that large) of the suggested collective action would be reduced profitability to the individual owners of the gasoline stations – most of whom get the bulk of their profits from the goods in the convenience store, not the gasoline. But that’s a totally different issue.

Just for fun, let’s assume that ExxonMobil was forced to drop their prices. The effect would be an increase in demand as their gasoline is the lowest priced, not the predicted boycott continuance. For example, if every gasoline company priced their gas at $3 per gallon except for ExxonMobil who priced theirs around $2.50 per gallon, well, do I need to say where cars would line up to get their gas? And as stated previously, why would ExxonMobil keep the prices low if everyone was shopping at their store? They wouldn’t. They would increase their prices to the match the market level.

The email also neglects other demand factors like location and brand loyalty while presenting an ineffective approximation of the general public’s gasoline price-hunting indifference curve (as most people do not check multiple prices before making a purchase) but I won’t go into any of that here. This is really nothing more than a quintessential illustration of the inherent problems naturally intertwined with a planned economy; replete with moral hazards, proletariat disobedience, and an inability to effectively manage and control individual behavior. I hope this quick lesson in economics and the ‘unseen’ side of the gasoline supply chain has expanded your understanding on the topic.

Nothing like the free market, huh? :)

Even funnier is how people will put more faith into an email forward than the laws of supply and demand. Maybe this isn't very funny -- well, we haven't posted in a while and I had to put something up here. If you don't like it -- blame Jeremy. He was the one who said I should post this.

PS -- our condo sold. We're definitely moving now.

D'OH!!!!


OK, here's a funny picture for you. Before I tell you what happened, I want the record to state that we have no idea if the guy or the girl was driving.

Melba and I went hiking this afternoon (not a cloud in the sky) and upon returning to our condo we saw a police car in the parking lot. Hmm, that's not normal, but not unheard of. The cop was blocking a few open parking spaces. Again, not normal, but not unheard of. Then we saw a car that was in the planter of the main office to the apartments across the parking lot from us. Definitely not normal, but usually only seen in funny email forwards :)

I had to get a picture of this, but I could tell that both people were rather embarrassed by what had happened -- not to mention that this will most likely be a financial burden to them. So I got my telephoto lens and from our balcony I poked through the railing (I would feel bad if they saw me) I was able to snap a picture right as the cop pulled away and right before that tow truck pulled into his place -- had I not been there at that perfect moment, I never could have snapped this fascinating picture.

I just laughed and laughed and laughed -- but held it in until the people couldn't hear me. Again, I would feel bad if they witnessed my joy at their misery. (I know what you're thinking -- no snide comments about my exploitation of their misery by posting it on the web for everyone in the world to see.) So here's the picture. If you can't tell -- the car is in the planter, perpendicular to the parking spaces. Looks like the driver pulled into a space, but hit the gas instead of the brake and went up the steps, turned to the right, drove over the banister and into the planter. Fortunately, there weren't any ambulances which means nobody was hurt.















If you have a funny caption for this photo, please post it in the comments section. I don't know who reads this blog, but I know a lot of people do because after I wrote about my star meter on imdb.com being down 43% or something, it went up like 431% the following week. So let's see those funny captions!!!

Star Wars Opera

I went to an Opera at the Kennedy Center last night. It was Wagner's Die Walkure with Placido Domingo as tenor. It was FABULOUS! My friend, Anne, and I had a wonderful time!

I got home too late last night to tell Sammie about it, so this morning, we had the following conversation.

Sammie: (after rejecting my suggestion that we hold opera day and sing all of our conversations operatic style) How was the opera?

Melba: Oh it was fabulous! I totally loved it. The singing was...

S: Really? Compare it to Barefoot, so I have something to measure it by.

M: (Laughing.) That's like apples and... (As I searched for an appropriate comparison, I saw the Star Wars pillow that Sammie had thrown at me when I sang "good morning" to him.) storm troopers! It's like comparing apples and storm troopers!

S: Really? Barefoot is apples and Placido Domingo's a storm trooper?

M: (laughing)

S: Placido Domingo was in an opera about Star Wars and you didn't even invite me?

Some people just don't appreciate culture.

I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues...

Well, I think my 15 minutes has very little sand left in the hour glass. I got bored today and for no real reason went to imdb.com and looked myself up. I think I was just curious to see if I was still there. (I still am.) I found out that they now have this new thing called a "Star Meter" which ranks how popular you are. My Star Meter is down 43% percent from last week.

Boo-hoo.

Now I think my self-esteem is down about 86% after learning that. Don't worry -- it isn't. I guess there just aren't enough cyber geeks into films released straight to video in Europe to get my Star Meter up to a respectable level. Life goes on.

Coolest Website on the Internet

With the billions and billions of websites out there (OK, Steev, please correct me if there are trillions or quadrillions or whatever) who would've thought that the coolest one -- out of ALL of them -- would be the website for the US Postal Service? I'm not kidding.

www.usps.com

And if you think I've re-routed you with this link, just type it into your browser. This is the actual, true, bona-fide webpage for the US Postal Service. I don't know how long the site will stay like this -- I hope for a long time...

I actually did not discover this, I owe a big thanks to my mom for pointing out :)

Home Sweet Home

Melba and I went up to State College on Saturday to look at homes. We mostly just wanted to walk through what we had looked at on the internet and narrow the search down to 2-3 places. We saw several units and none of them were what we were looking for -- until we got to the last one. It was perfect. Because it was a new development, we went and looked at some other ones that were available and decided on one. It was a good price and we were ready to take it. Then the listing agent showed up...

Melba and I were upstairs and we were listening in on her conversation with our agent, Ryan. He played his cards well and didn't let her know we had made our choice. Thank goodness. When Ryan said we had looked at several places in the city and we were 'thinking' about unit 103 -- the listing agent responded that they had just knocked off $10,000 from the price of that unit. That made it significantly less than any other one we had looked at all day! We're faxing/emailing/signing all of the documents today. We're excited. Here's a link to the homepage so you can see more about where we're going to live for the next two years.

http://www.statecollegetownhomes.com/

Ours is an interior unit with some slight changes from what is shown on the webpage. We don't have the wall in the master bedroom that comes out from the closets -- I'm talking about the wall that makes you wonder why it would ever be installed in the first place. And we don't have an island in the kitchen or a raised celing in the master bedroom. We'll move up there in July -- you are all welcome to come visit.

Now if we can only have this much luck in selling our current place...

Shameless Plug for My Best Friend

(Well, best friend up until I met Melba...) Anyways, here's the latest email from Travis.


Hey one and all,
I don’t want to take too much of your time, but I wanted to let you know about a short film I’ve been working on. A guy I work with, Matt Henderson, wrote it, I directed and many kind, wonderful friends helped out as well. It was made for entry into a reality show to find “the next big film director”. Anyway, check out this link. http://films.thelot.com/films/13790
You can vote for or rate it if you want, but at the very least take a look, and see what I’ve been up to the last few months.
Thanks, and have a swell day.

If any of you are wondering -- Travis is the one who spoke at our wedding and had people laughing so hard the boat nearly tipped over. He also has been known to say things like, "Sammie, there's something I need to tell you, but I mean it as an insult and I'm worried that you are going to take it as a compliment..." I took Travis with me when I first had dinner with the Boyers. I was left wondering what they thought of me -- especially since all I heard about after that dinner was how much they loved Travis and how great Travis is and how Travis can come over whenever he wants and whenever I come over I should bring Travis.

Anyways, shameless plugs usually say something like, "Watch my video and please vote for me -- if you think mine is the best. I mean, you can vote for whoever you want, you should really just vote. But I'd like for you to vote for mine." (And yes, I have heard that very line straight from the mouths of campaigners for our beloved politicians...) The point is -- I'm not saying that here. I'm saying go vote for Travis' film. And if you don't think his film is the best, well tough. Vote for it anyway. He's my best friend and his film is darn good and if you don't like it then you've got serious problems.

Give up?

It took me a long time. Well, at least two of them did. I got "Burp a gay sock" pretty quickly. It's "Pack your bag." For the other two, I had to get out Scrabble tiles with all the letters and rearrange them until I figured them out. After a while, I got the big one: "You can eat all the carbs you want." Wahoo! Since we've been doing the South Beach Diet, carbs are a rare and precious treat. I didn't get the third without Sammie's help. I would put letters together and he would tell me if they belonged together and if they made a whole word or only part of a word. Finally, though, I came up with "Wear something nice."

Of course, I promptly got mad at Sammie that the anagrams didn't have the answer. He rearranged some of the tiles for me to spell "Antrim." It's a bed and breakfast on the Pennsylvania/Maryland border (The Mason Dixon line) that we love! Sammie's so wonderful. How did I get so lucky?!?

By the way, it's now officially a year since we started this blog. I admit that I originally started it with other intentions. You see, it's also a year now since we started trying to have kids. I started a blog so we could easily give pregnancy/baby updates to family and friends. Instead, it's become a forum for what we do to make each other laugh. That's almost as fun...

Melba-

I have two presents for your birthday on Wednesday. Here is the first:

THOU CAN RALLY ANY TWO BEAT SAUCE

The second will still remain a surprise, but I offer the following two pieces of advice for you to most fully enjoy the present when I give it to you, which will be tomorrow afternoon.

BURP A GAY SOCK

and

ICE THE SNOW RAIN GEM

Love,
Sammie

PS – This idea came to me a couple of weeks ago while we were watching The Da Vinci Code…

(Everyone else – if you figure out what the messages are, please don’t post them here until AFTER her birthday…)

18 Ways To Be A Good Liberal

As many of you are already aware, something that you'll never have to worry about is my band ever falling victim to liberalism the way so many other bands seem to do. Saturday, I was reading aloud to the band the book 'Conservative Comebacks to Liberal Lies'. Did you know that the phrase 'Separation of Church and State' doesn't show up anywhere in the Constitution or Declaration of Independence? I didn't. Anyway, we had a good laugh reading it and later that night the singer forwarded to me a list of '18 Ways To Be A Good Liberal'. Melba and I got a big kick out of reading it so I thought I would post it here for all enjoy and/or despise.

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Iran or Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but PETA activists do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.

12 You have to believe NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are Racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens and transvestites should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

18. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.

This now makes for a whopping 1 1/2 posts this month because posting an email forward only counts as only 1/2 of a post. Still, that's more than we've done in past months. Comments are welcomed. Please post them on the blog for all to read...

And the winner is...

Decision time has come for grad school. Before announcing the winners, let’s first do a recap of the contestants and why we applied to each:

University of Texas:

• Ranked in the Top 20 MBA Schools by US News
• Excellent Alumni Network
• Close to two-fifths of the Markham Family
• Most graduates stay in the west/Mid-West Area (where we want to live)
• More job offers for Supply Chain students than there are Supply Chain students

Brigham Young University:

• Ranked in the Top 50 MBA Schools by US News
• Very low tuition rates
• Close to the Boyer Family
• Close to my parents
• Most graduates stay in the west/Mid-West Area

Penn State:

• I like their football team

So where are we going? C’mon – it should be obvious. My Dad didn’t raise a fool.

WE ARE – PENN STATE
WE ARE – PENN STATE
WE ARE – PENN STATE

Seriously, that’s where we’re going. Penn State.

You can learn more about Penn State and their Supply Chain program here, here and here.

As most of you know, this blog consists of funny things that Melba and I do. I promise you that while the first part of this post is cocky, the end is pretty funny - so stay with me on this. I just have to be cocky with some information so you can more fully appreciate the humor at the end. (That's assuming you are capable of appreciating humor, which some people are not, but I won't go into that here.)

Here's the deal:

• I scored a 690 on the GMAT (that is the 91st percentile of the people who take the test). BYU's average score for incoming MBA students is 650 (85th percentile).
• I graduated from BYU in 2000 with a 3.4 GPA (about the average for MBA students at BYU).
• I got an Associates degree in Accounting from Ricks College -- that transcript was part of my application.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because I just got accepted to the BYU MBA Program, subject to certain provisions. Below is the email they sent me. Does it seem odd to you? (FYI - the scholarship they offer is full-tuition.)

Dear Sammie:

I am writing to let you know that the BYU MBA Admissions Committee has recommended you for admission to the MBA program for Fall 2007. Congratulations! In addition, I am happy to inform you of our decision to grant you a scholarship in the amount of $4,350 for Fall 2007 and
$4,350 for Winter 2008.

Your admission is provisional, based on the following:
* You are required to take a basic preparation course in Accounting and Statistics, and must pass the proficiency exams associated with them by July 1, 2007. The courses and exams are offered online through Harvard Business School; please see http://marriottschool.byu.edu/mba/prospective/HBSonline.cfm for registration instructions. You must contact the MBA office when you've completed the courses.
* You are required to complete your bachelor's degree prior to entering the MBA program.
* Because your undergraduate GPA is below 3.0 you are required to maintain a GPA of at least 3.0 while you are in the MBA program.
* You are required to retake the GMAT and submit your new unofficial score report to the MBA office by August 13, 2007. Although you are not required to achieve a specific score on the GMAT, it is the hope of the admissions committee that removing the pressure of
admission from the situation will help you to improve your score.
* You are required to attend the Marriott School International Student Orientation, to be held on BYU campus in mid-August 2007. Attendance at and participation in the entire orientation is mandatory. Details will be sent to you as they become available.

And then it just basically goes on about how to accept the invitation, etc.

Then I got another email which says they sent the wrong provisions, and I only need to take the online courses before I get accepted. Should I now be more or less impressed with this school? Comments are welcome. (And please, if you have something to say, especially if it scathingly cruel, at least be brave enough to post it on this blog in the comments section for all to read and comment on...)

True Confessions...

Before I get into the deep, dark secrets my wife revealed to me last night despite keeping them secret for over the past two years -- let me tell you some things about her... (I think with an intro like that, I could pretty much write anything and you would read it just to get to the end of this blog and learn the secrets.)

• The license plate on her car is "FUNKWR", short for Funkweiler
• This blog she created is called 'House of Funkweiler'
• In October, when she was pregnant for a week, she called the baby 'Funklet', a variant name of Funkweiler
• When we go to restaurants, she reserves tables under the name 'Funkweiler'
• When we go hiking, she labels the lunch sacks 'Funkweiler'
• For Halloween last year, she decided we would go as The Funkweilers and had us dress up in my old Funkweiler costumes.

This list could go on, but I think you see where I'm going with this. For those of you who don't know about Funkweiler, well, that's a story for another time -- basically it was my performing name when I was a rock-star in LA, and I would wear 70's clothes and an afro wig as I funked out on my bass. It was awesome...

Anyway, Melba's first experience with Funkweiler can be read about here . (Scroll down to the 3rd of the three stories "The Melba and Sammie Story" as told by Melissa and Sammie.) I should worn you that last night I actually got the truth about the evening spoken of here. I had gone out with her the week before this all happened. That's all she knew about me and/or Funkweiler. 1 date. Next week, ward dinner. Enter Funkweiler.

For the past 2+ years I thought she thought Funkweiler was cool. Why? Well, that's what she has always told me. It was the following week that she first reserved a table under the name Funkweiler. Not to mention she married me. What was the truth, though? When she first saw Funkweiler, she said she was 'embarrassed' for me because I looked so stupid. Then she commented to her roommate, "Please don't tell anyone I've gone out with him."

Melba told me this last night -- kind of on a whim -- and then ducked under her seat fearing she had just done unrepairable damage to my esteem. No. I raised my fists in a triumphant gesture. I don't know why -- I just did. Now I really wish I had worn the Funkweiler costume at our reception :)

Worry Wart

Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, Sammie began expressing his worries about the MBA applications he is sending in this week.

"What if I'm the first candidate in the history of PSU who applies before Dec. 1 and doesn't get the guaranteed interview?"

Sleepily, I responded, "You scored high on the GMAT, have a lot of work experience, a great personality, etc. etc. Stop worrying! You're an excellent candidate."

He countered, "What if the admissions committee is in a bad mood the day they review my application and say, 'No way! We don't want this jerk at our school!'?"

Reassuring didn't work, so I tried the teasing tactic: "Honestly Sammie, you're worse than a pregnant woman! Stop obsessing over completely irrational worries!"

I thought that had calmed him down until he said, "I think my thighs are too big."

Never a dull moment...

Melba told me that whenever I'm having trouble thinking about what to write, I should just write. That will get the creative juices flowing and maybe spark some new ideas. I'm having trouble with the last essay I need to write for my MBA applications. So I just wrote. I don't really think I can do anything more with it than post it here, so here is the question followed by my repsonse. I admit that the ending sucks, but why should I bother to write an ending for this? I think I need to start over. Comments are welcomed.

Because the Marriott School MBA program receives substantial financial support from the tithes of the LDS Church, the faculty and administration are committed to advancing the mission of the Church as they operate a nationally recognized MBA program. Thus, the goals of the MBA program include the melding of spiritual and secular truths in your studies, as well as sharing the benefits of your education with people throughout the world. Please describe ways that the program might realize these goals and what role you might play in those efforts.

“I didn’t come here to listen to your excuses. I came here for the master tapes,” my friend, Blue, informed the dishonest producer I once worked for. Dressed in his full biker gear, Blue, a former Marine nicknamed after his Harley-Davidson, was retrieving my master recordings immediately after drinking the 12-pack of Miller Genuine Draft I gave him for the job. After hearing the same excuses I had heard for months about why I had no right to these recordings, Blue spat on the ground and lit up a cigarette, “Look, buddy,” Blue continued, “we can do this the easy way or the hard way. It’s your choice – but I’d like to do it the hard way. It’s right up my alley.”

This producer clearly did not attend the BYU MBA program. His complete lack of morals and decency are a disgrace to his name, family and existence. Upon hearing Blues ultimatum, he chose the easy way and I got my master recordings back. But what a professional, personal, and moral embarrassment it was for me to have to go to such lengths. A hand-shake agreement will make me keep my word more so than any punch to the face could. However, not everyone in today’s money-hungry society sees things the same way.

Despite my past, present and future behavior, I can assure the BYU Admissions committee that I am in fact a good member of the Church even if I don’t act like one. During my last interview as a missionary, my mission president gave me some sound advice, “Elder Markham,” he said, “when you get home, make sure you marry a woman who can drag your sorry butt to the Celestial Kingdom.” Nine years later, I did. You can learn a lot about a man by the company he keeps. My wife is a total angel (most of the time) so how could I be bad?

I’ve gone to church all my life so I know spiritual truth like the back of my hand – but I’ve also played in clubs all over Southern California learning secular truth from people living it first hand. Can I balance the two? Let’s just say nothing can strengthen one’s testimony of the Word of Wisdom like protecting one’s amplifier from the regurgitation of an inebriated woman.

And as far as sharing the benefits of the BYU MBA education around the world, do you want some boring white boy with bike tire flab around his belly and a bald spot on his head doing it or do you want a former rock-star who once played with a former drummer of the P-Funk? The answer should be clear.

Blue taught me how to deal with losers. The BYU MBA Program will teach me how to deal with winners.

Let's play writing professor

I guess I could get arrested, or at least in big trouble, for doing this. But I can't resist. I'm sitting at my desk grading papers. And I come across this opener. It's so good, I decided to sponsor a contest on this blog (for you 2-3 readers out there). How would YOU respond to this in a student paper? (Respond to the concept, not to the poor writing.)

"When someone is asked to define the word family most people would consider those who are relatives. Nevertheless those who are related by blood are just the people who randomly become family at birth. At birth there is not an extensive assessment that is taken in order to find what people would be ideal for someone. With an expression as important as this it should be a person's choice who they define family as rather than it being assigned. (emphasis added.)

Who does the student think the audience is: Deity?

Funniest email of the week goes to Robert Spendlove. Background -- Melba and I are going to the Outer Banks for Thanksgiving with some other couples in the ward. Each couple will make dinner for the group while we are there, but there is an ongoing email chain/debate over whether or not the same should be done for breakfast. Here is part of Robert's last email -- please note, he is top of his class at George Mason Law School and he is being funny:


While I agree that there is probably some volume discount that could be
captured by combining our breakfast purchases, I wonder if the savings
aren't outweighed by the transaction costs of trying to figure out what
to buy. We are all friends, but can you really approximate my breakfast
food indifference curve? This breakfast thing really is a great example
of the difficulties of a planned economy, replete with moral hazards,
collective action problems, and a great potential for free riding.

OK, maybe it's funnier to me than it is to you. Maybe you just have to know Robert. Maybe you just have to be royally sick of all of the political talks going on in DC right now with the elections near-by.

I think it is funny.

Rude Awakening

This morning, Sammie got up to take a shower while I indulged in a few more minutes of precious sleep. My dream was rudely interrupted when he jumped on me to say good morning. For 2 or 3 panic-filled seconds, I thought I had fallen asleep at the wheel of a car and gotten in a wreck.

Following are our respective descriptions of the morning's events...

Sammie: “The force of the car wreck was like being body-slammed by an orangutan”

Melba: "Green meadows, blue skies, white clouds. Sweet kisses. Delicious slumber. BAM! Cruel jolt from oblivion. Momentary panic. Car wreck? Asleep at wheel? What have I done? Nope. Much more benign. Body slam by an orangutan. Good Morning Melba!"

This just in. Turns out Lemuel Redd (the idiot listed below) is a relative of mine. Ooh, that's scary. His daughter is my 3rd cousin, so I guess he is my 2nd cousin once removed. Or something like that. So I guess he's distant, but still too close for comfort.

Sometimes the world is just a bit smaller than I would like it to be...

Some people have problems so big (mostly brought on by themselves) the problems are best defined as prah-lums. For example -- look at these people. Stupid. And who names their kid Lemuel -- don't you think you're really starting him off on the wrong foot? Did they want him to grow up and be like, well, like how he is now that he's grown up? Mormons will raise an eyebrow everytime the name is used, and non-mormons will say, "I've never heard of the name Lemuel -- where does it come from?" And how did this dude's parents expect him to respond?

Anyway, here's the funny part -- my grandmother's maiden name is Redd. So now I wonder if I'm related to these wierdos. I guess the police in the film Spinal Tap put it best by saying, "Some things are better left unsolved."