Monday, February 26, 2007

18 Ways To Be A Good Liberal

As many of you are already aware, something that you'll never have to worry about is my band ever falling victim to liberalism the way so many other bands seem to do. Saturday, I was reading aloud to the band the book 'Conservative Comebacks to Liberal Lies'. Did you know that the phrase 'Separation of Church and State' doesn't show up anywhere in the Constitution or Declaration of Independence? I didn't. Anyway, we had a good laugh reading it and later that night the singer forwarded to me a list of '18 Ways To Be A Good Liberal'. Melba and I got a big kick out of reading it so I thought I would post it here for all enjoy and/or despise.

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Iran or Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but PETA activists do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.

12 You have to believe NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are Racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens and transvestites should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

18. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.

This now makes for a whopping 1 1/2 posts this month because posting an email forward only counts as only 1/2 of a post. Still, that's more than we've done in past months. Comments are welcomed. Please post them on the blog for all to read...


Action said...

Vernon, I love the list. You hit the nail on the head. Liberalism is a mental disorder that was on display at last night's Academy Awards. Not one person thanked God for their success or our brave soldiers for protecting us from the throat cutters who are fighting them in the middle east so that we don't have to fight them in the mid west. They are so deranged that they really believe that they are their own Gods and that they can actually effect the earth's temperature. Everybody should ride bikes and bundle up- but not the uber libs like Gore who flies around the world in his leer jet. Perpahps it is an electric plane. Who knows. At any rate, I am glad you enjoyed my book "Conservative Comebacks to Liberal Lies." I also linked to your post on our blog

Take care.

Gregg Jackson
Author of "Conservative Comebacks to Liberal Lies"

plex said...

Thought you might also enjoy this description of Bush's home as written by a "Progressive" columnist, which really captures the "words speak louder than actions" requirement to be a good liberal. Better for Gore to fly between mansions in private jets and then buy carbon credits than to actually reduce his output, and all that.