Let's play writing professor

I guess I could get arrested, or at least in big trouble, for doing this. But I can't resist. I'm sitting at my desk grading papers. And I come across this opener. It's so good, I decided to sponsor a contest on this blog (for you 2-3 readers out there). How would YOU respond to this in a student paper? (Respond to the concept, not to the poor writing.)

"When someone is asked to define the word family most people would consider those who are relatives. Nevertheless those who are related by blood are just the people who randomly become family at birth. At birth there is not an extensive assessment that is taken in order to find what people would be ideal for someone. With an expression as important as this it should be a person's choice who they define family as rather than it being assigned. (emphasis added.)

Who does the student think the audience is: Deity?

Funniest email of the week goes to Robert Spendlove. Background -- Melba and I are going to the Outer Banks for Thanksgiving with some other couples in the ward. Each couple will make dinner for the group while we are there, but there is an ongoing email chain/debate over whether or not the same should be done for breakfast. Here is part of Robert's last email -- please note, he is top of his class at George Mason Law School and he is being funny:


While I agree that there is probably some volume discount that could be
captured by combining our breakfast purchases, I wonder if the savings
aren't outweighed by the transaction costs of trying to figure out what
to buy. We are all friends, but can you really approximate my breakfast
food indifference curve? This breakfast thing really is a great example
of the difficulties of a planned economy, replete with moral hazards,
collective action problems, and a great potential for free riding.

OK, maybe it's funnier to me than it is to you. Maybe you just have to know Robert. Maybe you just have to be royally sick of all of the political talks going on in DC right now with the elections near-by.

I think it is funny.

Rude Awakening

This morning, Sammie got up to take a shower while I indulged in a few more minutes of precious sleep. My dream was rudely interrupted when he jumped on me to say good morning. For 2 or 3 panic-filled seconds, I thought I had fallen asleep at the wheel of a car and gotten in a wreck.

Following are our respective descriptions of the morning's events...

Sammie: “The force of the car wreck was like being body-slammed by an orangutan”

Melba: "Green meadows, blue skies, white clouds. Sweet kisses. Delicious slumber. BAM! Cruel jolt from oblivion. Momentary panic. Car wreck? Asleep at wheel? What have I done? Nope. Much more benign. Body slam by an orangutan. Good Morning Melba!"

This just in. Turns out Lemuel Redd (the idiot listed below) is a relative of mine. Ooh, that's scary. His daughter is my 3rd cousin, so I guess he is my 2nd cousin once removed. Or something like that. So I guess he's distant, but still too close for comfort.

Sometimes the world is just a bit smaller than I would like it to be...

Some people have problems so big (mostly brought on by themselves) the problems are best defined as prah-lums. For example -- look at these people. Stupid. And who names their kid Lemuel -- don't you think you're really starting him off on the wrong foot? Did they want him to grow up and be like, well, like how he is now that he's grown up? Mormons will raise an eyebrow everytime the name is used, and non-mormons will say, "I've never heard of the name Lemuel -- where does it come from?" And how did this dude's parents expect him to respond?

Anyway, here's the funny part -- my grandmother's maiden name is Redd. So now I wonder if I'm related to these wierdos. I guess the police in the film Spinal Tap put it best by saying, "Some things are better left unsolved."